New Data

So a new study has come out from England suggesting that the modern anti-depressants are not clinically more effective than placebo. I don't really know how I feel about that. Half the time I'm not sure if my depression is real or if I'm engaging in some sort of cowardly escapist self-deception, so why should I be any more confident in the treatment. I know it does something. The dreams and the sex don't seem to me to be placebo effects. Something is going on in my brain and it's something I can feel. I don't know if Prozac is better at causing side effects than it is at treating depression and anxiety. That would certainly be irony.
I know the stuff isn't perfect, I believe if it were I would feel better. The motor wouldn't run all the time, the anxiety wouldn't consume me the way it does. The waves of self-hatred, the unseen, unheard, breakdowns in the shower or at work, the self-destructive thoughts triggered by frustration, all these would ease. It seems that Prozac is a lifeboat with a leak, and I don't know if it will float, swamp, or sink. I just know that jumping out of it is more than I can face.